the World & Finias Groove

This generated quite the controversy on MYSPACE, I originally posted it on 03-04-2008


A question was posed yesterday in a bulletin, a question that has presented itself in every social circle that I have found myself throughout the years. Every relationship has posed the question about the sexes. This question being:

Can women and men really be friends without 'sex' getting in the way?

In order to answer this question in it's entirety, you must first go to the source of this question for the true answer. Meaning, you have to break down those barriers that have been taught to you, in order to achieve a sense of truth. We have a natural ability to sense difference in everything around us. Men vs. Women; Young vs. Old; Black, White, Chinese; etc.
So from the start, it is natural for us to feel indifferent. We are put into social groups based upon our interests, or social statures. But from the start, comes this natural instinctive war of the sexes.

Why?

Why is there such a desire by both sexes to seek the thresholds, these underlined bounds of each others developments. A need to complicate the grand order of things.
This isn't new, it has survived eons. The gods in their divinity have taught us to place strengths and weaknesses upon each others sex. Men have that sense of superiority, and often find themselves in awe with a woman who challenges their intellect. Women usually find themselves cowering to those overbearing men. I have said for years that,

"There is nothing that separates a man from a woman, except the genitalia."

This is true in order to have feminine men, and masculine women. In order for homosexuality to even exist, this has to be true of itself. For every " male " trait, you can find that in a woman, and vice verse. It took awhile, but I finally found a partner who will go directly to sleep after she gets her orgasm. That has been played out time and time again as a " male " trait. Not so. I have found intellectually stimulating conversations with some of the most intelligent women on the planet to be at times, more engrossing than that of men. By far these conversations were more in depth than I could have ever hoped of them to be with my male counterparts. I know this wasn't because women talk more, and would therefor have to be better at conversing. I have known many a men who can put any woman to shame with how much they can talk, and talk, and talk.

The question before I rant on some tangent is:


Can women and men be friends without 'sex' getting in the way?

I would like to say, yes. But I feel that is greatly determined by how you approach your relationship with that other person. If you feel that you and this other person can be in a physical relationship [ i.e.] sexual, and you feel that you can handle the" friends with benefits " style of relationship, than you are by far better than me. Meaning: If you have evolved to some new state of enlightenment between you and the said other person and this can work for you guys, than you have reached a level that has never in a million years worked for anybody.

Come on!

Honesty doesn't hurt once in awhile.

Everyone has tried that friends with bennies sh*!, it doesn't work and we know it. Casual sex, doesn't work and we know it. Meeting someone at the bar, and never even getting on a first name basis works better than all of that sh*!. The reason being, we are after all, human. You can't get past that. Feelings will take precedence over everything that, at the start, you felt you could handle. But the end result appears as though obsession. At least that's what we have all come to deem it as in the end.

"They're obsessed with me!"

No...

They fell in love with you.

Two start out with the game in mind, until one wants to change the rules of engagement. The end result of this is, one gets walked on no matter how unintentional it may have been. Jealousies begin to sprout out of this once blossoming relationship. This once envied union by your peers, is now an, "I told you so!" That's okay. They were jealous of you by thinking that you may pull off the impossible, that maybe you and said other person could truly make this work. But the river of comfort created a gap that no one can traverse. We are human, we are beings of attachment, as much as we are beings who need total and complete acceptance. We need companionship more than we need sex, but sex does create bonds that cannot be broken.

Example of this:

You will always remember the names of all those you have had sex with, but you can't remember the names of everyone you've shook hands with.

If you can't remember all the people you've had sex with, than I don't need to tell you that there's a problem with that. I understand that for some, they have shaken less hands than they have had sexual partners. Now it's up to them to have the urgency to find out why that is, what makes them associate having a relationship with sex. What ever happened to dinner, and a good conversation? To me personally, sex is a 24 hr. experience. Everything in that 24 hr. period leading up to sex is important.
Yes, I know spontaneity, but everything before that spur of the moment was in place for me.

The fact is, this question posses an even bigger question of SELF. You could find so many different answers based on social behavior and whether or not that person knows how to be honest with themselves. I think if the person was honest to themselves, than their answer would more mimic mine. If you truly care about the other person you set out to be involved with, I mean really truly care, than I don't think that you would seek to cloud all your judgments that are yet to come after that, by sex.

Men, do you go up to your best guy friend and engage them in a sexual manner? Do you seek to bed them? I mean outside not having an attraction for the same sex, would you seek to bed your best friend of the same sex? First, ask yourself if you have any guy friends that you love. Be honest. I have a friend of mine that is of the same sex, and I have found that more than twice I have ended our conversation with, " I love you Man." I was sincere in telling him that I loved him, I do love him. He has been around through some of our worst times, and some of our best. He was a shoulder that, a few times I have cried on, and I the same for him.

Platonic.

Why then, is it so hard to have friends of the opposite sex for some of us? Don't you want the growth associated with watching that other person evolve, rather than having your hands in their development. Allowing, rather than controlling. Sex leads to control, face it! You have a relationship where sex is involved, naturally you will seek to make them into your idea of what they should be, rather than allowing, or stimulating their growth as an individual. Friends do that you know, they do what lovers lose the ability to do.

Change your perception of the norm. Step out of the damn box, there are already so many people comfortable with societies views of what is normal relations between a man and a woman. But that leads to more unwanted, or unplanned pregnancies. More broken homes than people in prison. Do what is REAL, not what you think is expected.
Chart your own undiscovered territories. And most of all, be honest. Be honest first with yourself, love yourself, but don't be infatuated with yourself. No holier-than-thou attitudes need apply. If you can do this, if you can question who you are and come to an answer, an honest perception of who you are. Than you'll realize that sex isn't a game. It's not a release.

My philosophy:

"Masturbation is a release. If all we needed was a release, then we have masturbation. But we are creatures of acceptance, and masturbation can't give you the warmth of feeling excepted, wanted, and desired."

Keep this in mind, the next time you seek to ruin a perfectly good relationship with your friend. Think first of calling them names, or making them feel disapproved of by you, and the hurt that that will cause them. And then keep your fucking privates in your pants, enjoy that movie and pizza they came over for; togetherness and talking and feeling as though someone gets you. Enjoy knowing that that is your buddy, your friend. Save the sex for those who are willing to make a commitment, for those who welcome the constructive criticisms that come with a sexual relationship. Take pride in your friendship's, and not that notch in your bedpost.